Playin' Safe

"My ex-girlfriend from 8 months ago, who I haven't seen and spoke to since the day we separated gave me a call. 'I hustled for your numbers, I even had to give up my pussy to your uncle and he gave me the wrong numbers, but eventually got them from Kgotso' she said.

I dumped her because she was bad in bed and her bum smelled badly. Although she had a really nice bum that twisted necks, but it smelled and I couldn't handle it. The only benefit from that bum was being seen by other nikkaz and watch them as they breathe envy.

Anyway, so she called after 8 months and she told me she loves me, she wants to work things out and she's willing to start washing her bum. 'I only didn't wash my bum, because a family witch doctor said I shouldn't, it will make me get the man of my dreams' she said.

I couldn't help myself but laugh out loud. The shock that filled my body was immeasurable. I didn't think such a beautiful girl wouldn't wash her bum just to get a man. She sounded hurt while I kept laughing and asking her to tell me more. 'My mom forced me to doing it' she said.

I got myself together and told her we can't get back together, I'm in a new relationship and I'm quite happy. She begged. I kept laughing, she sounded so desperate. 'We will get married and I'll fulfill all your wishes' she said, 'Please take me back.'

She kept begging, sold me dreams and made promises. But I declined, I was quite happy with my girlfriend. My girlfriend had a smaller portable ass, nice long legs, an average-sized breast and really thick lips with slanted eyes. And my ex was just Ass and Titties - No brains.

She sighed and waved a white flag. 'Okay' she said, 'I'm 9 months pregnant and I'm due for next week. And I also found out I'm HIV positive, but don't worry, our baby is alright'

I was shocked and she added, 'What happened was, I slept with Sizwe while we were dating and he called me a few weeks later that he is HIV positive. I'm sorry.'

I threw the phone on the wall. I kicked the door, the wardrobe, pulled down the curtains and cried so loud. My world spun and I pulled out the door handle, its still broken. I couldn't believe what my ex told me. I had a bottle of whiskey and I downed it, crying on the floor until I passed out.

I went to get tested. The nurse gave me some counseling. She was a beautiful nurse, but I was too nervous to drool properly. She held my hand, she had soft hands, she looked me in the eyes, 'Let's do this test' she said.

She stuck the needle in my finger, the blood jumped out and I dropped it on the thingy-ma-bob. She went to the other room and I sat in the middle of the room, shaking and sweating. The ceiling fan kept me cool.

She walked back in and she told me, 'Negative' I screamed, shouted, jumped and hugged the nurse, gave her a kiss on the cheek. I was delighted, I ran out of the place. I ran to the liquor store, bought THESE and here I am IN THE CAB NEXT TO YOU TELLING YOU MY STORY, ON MY WAY TO MY EX AND I'M PROBABLY GONNA CHOP HER NOSE OFF OR HER OTHER EAR." He said.

"OFUK" I said.

"What's your name bro?" He asked.

"Henry"

"Nice to meet you, I'm Nhlanhla, sorry to tell you such a long story, I'm just too relieved yet excited"

"Yeah?"

"You got to be careful out here, these ex's are full of tricks. They'll lie to you, just to win you back. And here's another warning, girls claim pregnancy to milk some abortion money from a guy"

"Yeah?"

"Yeah, and some girls go to the extent of fucking another nikka, get pregnant and then say THE BABY IS YOURS!"

"Yeah?" I said.

"Yeah, look man I'm too happy. Anyway, ever got a girl pregnant Henry?"

"SHO'T LEFT" I said, "Look man, nice to meet you, good luck with your ex. And yeah, I've got plenty of girls knocked up."

The taxi stopped at my corner and I jumped out the taxi. They taxied away. I bought a banana at the old lady at the corner, gave her a 5 rand coin.

"Keep the change"

I walked down the long street, towards Cindy's crib. I gave her a ring, told her I'm on the long street towards her house. She told me she'll meet me halfway. "See you in a few" I said.

I went in the Pakistani tuck shop. I gave the squint-seller a 20 rand note, "Lovers Plus" I said, "The ones in the green package"

"What?" He said.

"Just give me condoms man"

He came back with Trust condoms. I took the condoms and told him to keep the change.

"Thanks my friend"

I walked down the long street once again. Cindy walked towards me. Her thick thighs, double D sized boobs and her thick legs.

We were a few inches apart, we hugged and I squeezed her. She smiled, I smiled, my cock rose - she had a beautiful smile.

"You smell great" she said.

"Thanks" I said, "You look great"

She wore a floral dress. Blue flowers, red, yellow, orange flowers. It was a white dress. We started talking, threw compliments all the time.

"You know you have a gorgeous vagina" I said, "I'm going to start calling it a GORGINA"

"Hahahaha that's cute" she said, "I hope you bought condoms"

"Baby" I said, "I've got the rubbers"

"No glovin' no lovin'" she laughed as we walked in her house. We both laughed. I agreed.

She locked the door. I stood in the middle of the lounge. She pulled of her vest as she walked towards me, I pulled off my T-shirt. She threw the cloth and table decor off the table.

"Let's hop on Mr Writer"